making tat leap

i went to help a senior citizen from my workplace to get something from her house.. it is big.. nice cosy spacious.. in fact, too spacious.. she told me tat she is living all alone with her cats.. her son rarely come back though she still kept his room intact.. it is a little heart wrenching.. an elderly living all alone.. wat is happening? how can children just leave their parents alone?

visited TL today too.. kinda relieve to know tat he is still as crappy as usual.. means he is okay.. life is unpredictable.. so live life to the max.. or you can just slack all you want, cos you wont know wat will happen next.. hahaha..

having said tat, i still do not have the courage to make the leap of faith.. quoting rumina "i am sure that the work you do is valuable too".. but now i'm having doubt in myself too.. am i really doing something valuable? it maybe true.. but at the same time i am barely surviving every month.. i wont be getting my house, my car (not tat i wanna get it), my retirement if i stuck to this same field.. seriously having second tots.. if only i dont have loan to repay, then i'll make tat leap..

wat i'm afraid of, after a few years and i have already repaid my loan, i will be so complacent and so used to the stability, tat i wont make tat leap of faith anymore.. *sigh*

it's complicated and i need some excitement in life..