Come to a conclusion? Maybe or maybe not

well, been thinking a lot lately... wondering wat i really want with my life? wat i really want to do? wat i really like? wat i really want my future to be? etc etc...

whenever there r someone who is better than me in anything, i will become very jealous (and i really mean jealous and not envious) and i want to really surpass him/her... y is this so?? wat do i really want to achieve when i surpass him/her?? would it make me happy?? NO!!! it wont, because there r so many ppl tat r better than me in something or another... i come to realise it tat, everyone will have their own strength and weakness... wat i have to do now is to find my strength... maybe i feel jealous because i feel insecure - i feel tat i m not as good as other ppl, or i can be compared to tat person... i just have to build on my on strength...

wat do i really want to achieve, do with my life and wat do i really want?? i dont have the answer yet... but one thing i know is tat i can continue leading my life the way it is... it is time to change... for a better future?? maybe... i cannot continue slacking and wasting my life away... right now i m not too sure of wat i really want but one thing for sure is tat i want to improve on my studies... cannot keep on getting 'C's... cannot disappoint my family especially my mom and dad... they really put a lot of hope in me...

well, until i can find more about wat i want, these r wat i m going to do (in order of priority):
1. Study hard - spend at least 2 hours a day to study...
2. Family and Friends Forever - i love my family and friends, thus i m going to spend as much time with them as possible...
3. Spirit of Volunteering - dont know y i just enjoy it... will try my best to participate in as many volunteering experience as i can...